Dire Log

‘We’ve been much in need of a biblical plague for a while.’

‘We have?’

‘Of course – it’s the perfect thing for keeping all those lazy buggers on their feet.’

‘What lazy buggers?’

‘The general public.’

‘Bugger that.’

‘That’s what got us here.’

‘What?’

‘Buggery.’

‘Sod that.’

‘Yes, that’s what I’m talking about.’

‘What?’

‘Sodomy.’

‘What in buggery’s name are you talking about?’

‘We live in Sodom and Gomorrah.’

‘Where’s the harm in that? Names on a map.’

‘Or thoughts from a head – symbols crashing; cymbals crashing. The bell tolls for thee and all that crap.’

‘Make sense man.’

‘They think that the reason society is sinking is the fault of the poofs.’

‘Really?’

‘Really.’

‘I thought they all subscribed to some kind of anti-Semitic Zionist new world order conspiracy theory?’

‘Ah, well, that kind of fits in there too – homosexuals and Hebrews are all targets of the oh-so-rational right wing.’

‘The right wing?’

‘Nazis, fascists and all other kinds of anger management issue troubled groups.’

‘So what is their solution?’

‘Much the same as our erstwhile Austrian friend.’

‘Erstwhile …?’

‘And Austrian.’

‘To whom are you referring?’

‘The author of a little tome called Mein Kampf.’

‘Ah, Charlie Chaplin.’

‘No, he was in a film called the Great Dictator.’

‘And he was a great dictator.’

‘Well, if that kind of thing floats your boat. Anyway – that film was based on the man I’m talking about …’

‘Which was who?’

‘I’m getting to that – Herr Hitler; Adolf.’

‘Ah, him.’

‘Yes, him.’

‘What makes you so sure this is a biblical plague, anyway?’

‘Just a figure of speech.’

‘A figure of speech? But saying that it’s biblical rather than a common or garden plague suggest that there is some intent behind, doesn’t it?’

‘I suppose so.’

‘There’s no suppose about it – when on the biblical plagues kicks off it is generally held to be God making a judgment on the state of man. Whereas if it is just something that is occurring as a natural result of something man did or a problematic occurence in the biosphere then it’s just a plain old plague, or rather an epidemic.’

‘Or rather a pandemic. And anyway, I was just pulling your leg about the biblical aspect of it.’

‘Well, it’s got some people scared.’

‘Yes, I know, which is why my thing about keeping people on their toes resonated with you.’

‘I suppose so.’

‘You generally do.’

‘Do what?’

‘Suppose.’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘My humour is lost on you, isn’t it?’

‘You’re being humourous?’

‘My point exactly.’

‘I wish you would make a point.’

‘Did you see that the first case has been reported in this area?’

‘Where?’

‘About twenty miles away.’

‘How severe was it?’

‘Pretty severe.’

‘And how is that?’

‘The person died.’

‘Just one person?’

‘That’s all that’s been reported, but …’

‘But?’

‘Well, deaths from the plague are like cockroaches – there’s never just one, is there?’

‘Probably not.’

‘Definitely not.’

‘Do they know where it came from yet? I must admit I got a bit punchdrunk reading all about it.’

‘They suspect that there was some kind of horizontal gene transfer from one of the genetically altered livestock they’ve been farming on the West Coast. I heard that this particular strain is more apt to catch certain diseases. Well, something odd about their genetic make-up mutated the virus into something they hadn’t seen before. It laid dormant in the meat and was activated when it was consumed by one of the test subjects – then before they knew what was happening they had no test subjects alive and it had passed into the local community and from there it just kept spreading outwards.’

‘So, we don’t have much hope then?’

‘Probably not. We may already have it.’

‘Maybe.’

‘Well, you have been a bit sniffly of late.’

‘I have, and your eyes are markedly red.’

‘Are they?’

‘Yes, they are.’

‘Oh.’

‘Still, it seems to be taking its time. Who knows? We may have built up a resistance.’

‘Unlikely, but possible.’

‘You have to take possibility where it comes.’

‘That you do.’

‘So do you think they’ll find a cure?’

‘Who knows? Maybe.’

‘In time for us?’

‘Unlikely.’

‘Oh.’

‘Well.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Not a great punchline to our lives, is it?’

‘I don’t know. Could be worse.’

‘How?’

‘We could be one of the stupid bastards who started the whole domino rally.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Imagine having that on your conscience.’

‘I think I’d rather feel bad about killing everyone else than dying myself.’

‘A fair point.’

‘I thought so.’

<cough>

‘Bless you.’

‘Thank you.’

<cough>

‘Gezundheit.’

‘Fuck.’

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One Response

  1. The apocalypse missing a few horses 🙂 ? … nice and easy, the conversation!

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